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Encountering refusal, especially when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. Someone is saying no, delivering a firm “Not interested.” As a writer, I am no stranger to rejection. I started pitching articles half a century past, just after college graduation. Over the years, I have had multiple books rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and many essays. Over the past 20 years, specializing in commentary, the denials have only increased. On average, I get a setback every few days—adding up to over 100 each year. In total, rejections in my profession run into thousands. By now, I could have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

However, is this a complaining outburst? Not at all. Because, at last, at 73 years old, I have accepted being turned down.

How Have I Managed It?

Some context: By this stage, almost every person and others has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never kept score my win-lose ratio—doing so would be deeply dispiriting.

As an illustration: not long ago, an editor turned down 20 submissions consecutively before saying yes to one. A few years ago, no fewer than 50 editors rejected my book idea before a single one approved it. A few years later, 25 representatives declined a book pitch. A particular editor suggested that I send my work less often.

The Steps of Rejection

In my 20s, each denial were painful. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my creation was being turned down, but myself.

No sooner a manuscript was rejected, I would start the process of setback:

• First, disbelief. What went wrong? How could editors be ignore my skill?
• Second, refusal to accept. Maybe they rejected the mistake? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Third, dismissal. What can they know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my efforts? It’s nonsense and the magazine stinks. I deny your no.
• After that, frustration at them, then self-blame. Why do I put myself through this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, pleading (preferably seasoned with optimism). What will it take you to see me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, despair. I’m no good. Worse, I can never become any good.

This continued over many years.

Great Examples

Of course, I was in good company. Accounts of authors whose work was originally rejected are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was originally turned down. If they could persevere, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. The majority of American leaders over the past six decades had previously lost races. Sylvester Stallone estimates that his Rocky screenplay and desire to appear were declined numerous times. He said rejection as an alarm to rouse me and get going, rather than retreat,” he has said.

Acceptance

Later, as I reached my later years, I achieved the final phase of setback. Peace. Now, I grasp the various causes why a publisher says no. To begin with, an reviewer may have recently run a comparable article, or have one underway, or just be contemplating that idea for a different writer.

Or, less promisingly, my submission is uninteresting. Or maybe the reader believes I lack the credentials or reputation to be suitable. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the work I am offering. Or was too distracted and read my piece too fast to see its value.

Go ahead call it an epiphany. Everything can be turned down, and for any reason, and there is almost not much you can do about it. Certain reasons for denial are always out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are under your control. Admittedly, my proposals may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and resonance, or the message I am trying to express is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe something about my punctuation, notably commas, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have achieved widely published. I’ve authored two books—the initial one when I was middle-aged, my second, a memoir, at older—and in excess of 1,000 articles. These works have been published in newspapers major and minor, in regional, worldwide sources. My first op-ed ran when I was 26—and I have now contributed to various outlets for five decades.

Still, no major hits, no author events in bookshops, no appearances on talk shows, no speeches, no honors, no accolades, no international recognition, and no national honor. But I can more easily take rejection at 73, because my, small accomplishments have softened the blows of my setbacks. I can now be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Instructive Setbacks

Denial can be instructive, but only if you heed what it’s indicating. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep taking rejection the wrong way. So what teachings have I acquired?

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